DICEY BLUNDERS

It is the present year- 2005. A cyst that has lain dormant for nearly seven years suddenly develops the itch and becomes a real pain in the waist. I go for a check up. ‘Do you have Diabetes?’ the doctor asks. ‘No’ I say. I am advised to undergo a minor surgery. On the Operating table the surgeon asks- ‘Do you have Diabetes?’ ‘No’ I say. Back home, when my Doctor Sister-in-law hears about the surgical removal of the cyst, the repetitive query crops up again. As a layman I cannot comprehend what a suddenly dormant- turned- active cyst has to do with the increasing sucrose levels in my body. But when you are asked a rhythmic question for the third time in five days, whether you have Diabetes or not, you certainly do not feel at ease anymore. So I decide to undertake a blood sugar test.

The test results are out and I come out with flying colours. There is the good, the bad and the ugly news. The good news is that my Glucose Post Prandial is 140 and the bad news is that my Glucose fasting level is 132. In plain English it means I am a borderline case- heavily inclined towards the diabetical tower if and when I am lax. The ugly news is that I am advised to ration out a little bit of sweetness from my life- to be careful with root vegetables, carbohydrates, fruits and every homemade and readymade sweets. Believe me, living in Hyderabad, that is a tough task because not only are there a lot of ‘Reddy’made sweets available here (Pulla Reddy, Sudarshan Reddy, Rami Reddy and what have you) but also lots of friends and relations who are ever-ready to deliver them at your doorstep. Furthermore, I have always liked my coffee the relationship way- very strong and very sweet. But a cup of relationship (sorry, coffee) when it is strong but not sweet, also tastes bitter. Therefore I decide to compensate it with sugarless tea. And for the next few days, borderline or not, I already feel like a Diabetician.

Rewind to thirty years. The year was 1975. I had just taken my Pre University exams (something equivalent to the twelfth board) and was holidaying with my parents in Berhampur. Since computers and mobiles were still a thing of the future, I had requested my cousin to report the outcome of my test results, the good old fashioned way- check out the notice board in the college and book me a call.

The call came as expected but the news was least expected. The test results were out but the colours were not so ‘flying’. In fact they had not even taken off. Not only was the ‘good’ part missing from the news bit, so also was my roll number from the list. It appeared not only in the First, Second or Third Division but was nowhere to be seen even in the Supplementary list. I was devastated. However, Daddy and Mummy were optimistic. They advised me to wait- for the dependable newspaper to print out its accurate report.

The next day, when my fervent and repeated scanning of the papers still did not yield any results, the nightmares and daymares started. Six days passed and just when I was getting used to the uneasy silences and the ‘failures are the pillars of success’ advice from well- wishers, I again got the news. This time an elated cousin informed that not only had I passed, I had also secured the 10^th rank in the University. So what had gone wrong? ‘Oh, the usual misprint of numbers’, he said. ‘And what about the roll number that had been printed in the 10^th position?’ There was an awkward silence and I could visualize the sympathetic shrug. Till date I cannot imagine the six - day euphoria of the owner of that misprinted number. Or the subsequent despair!

Fast forward again to today. I relate the thirty- year old story of error, hope, misery and success, to my husband. The optimist that he is, he immediately advises me to go in for another check-up- in a more comprehensive manner. And in a more reliable laboratory. This time a thorough test is performed. A GTT - to determine my Glucose Tolerance level. And an extra test- Glycosylated Haemoglobin to determine whatever. As you must have already guessed by now, the test results are negative- in fact my sugar level is less than average. There is once again good news and bad news. The good news is that I am not a Diabetician anymore. And the bad news highlights the underlying gaffes of a flawed procedure.

I really do not blame the entire system. Unlike many who do not think otherwise, I am of the firm belief that the blood that courses through our veins is of the same shade the world over- regardless of caste, colour or creed. To test something as uniform in nature as that, requires not only a great amount of genius, but varied angles of perception too. But what I cannot imagine (once again!) is the unexpected euphoria of the unfortunate owner of another misprinted report. Or her/his subsequent despair!

Nargis Natarajan.