Q.1. Where would you like to
spend the remaining years of your life? In
a) Iraq,
b) Kashmir,
or
c) Hell.
If this were the sort of question that was targeted at me
today, I would have to think about it. And think hard. First of all, no one likes
a marked multiple- choice question. It disturbs your power of solitary
attention, together with opening up an array of bountiful preferences. Second
of all, unlike some bureaucrats who love to pronounce war with a capital ‘W’
without any qualms whatsoever, I have a dreadful war phobia. And third of all,
inwardly, I think I already know the answer. At least, in my choice of the
perceived safe haven of option (c), I would know exactly what I was getting
myself into.
Here I would definitely have a designated place to myself. It
could either be-
a) below shades of swords,
b) atop prickly beds of thorns or
c) amidst blazing tongues of fire.
In addition, I would also know why I belonged there.
a) for
having told a hundred lies,
b) for
having perpetuated a million felonies or
c) for having committed a billion
murders.
And most important of all, I would always
be prepared to set out on a mission of chastisement- unlike some poor souls who
are forever on tenterhooks, always tentative of the future, never fully
equipped with their emotional tools, always unqualified and untrained for the
forthcoming events. And for no fault of theirs!
Option (c) would also never ever possess the remotest chance
to look so breathtakingly beautiful, with its picturesque lakes and floating
shikaras and exquisite houseboats and bleeding chinars, that a certain poet
would have no choice but to coin a Persian couplet-
‘Gar firdaus bar rue zameen ast / hameen asto, hameen asto,
hameen ast. ‘ (If ever there was Paradise on Earth / It is here! It is here! It
is here! ). For it is the crooning and uttering of such intense verses that
undoubtedly attract the neighbour’s attention. I could always be dead certain
that the pride of Hell could never become the envy of Heaven.
Here I would also learn to relax with the comfort that
henceforth I would never be faced with the greatest divider of all times-
discrimination. Since each would be allotted specific punishments for specific
reasons, it would hardly matter who I was.
a) An
unstable terrorist,
b) A local
Muslim, or
c) A
Kashmiri Pundit.
Since, this far flung selection of mine can also never have
the ability to produce snow (to make its surroundings appear even more
awesome), nor generate oil, (not even enough to adorn a thinning scalp), it
would also never run into the danger of turning into a magnet that could
unnecessarily entice the bigwigs of the international arena, towards it.
However, I can foresee certain dilemmas that could arise
in this territory of a rehabilitation center. It is said, that Option (c) is
ruled by Mr. Satan, who again I believe is rumoured to be a Dictator.
Undoubtedly then, he would either be labeled as,
a) Oppressive
b) Tyrannical
c) Odious,
or
d) All of
the above.
Now this could prove a fatal attraction for the imperial
diktats of the world. Everyone knows that the best way to resist temptation is
to yield to it. And what could be more heroic than to rush to the rescue of the
oppressors to bring about an immediate regime change.
It is also a well-
known fact that Option (c) is also the only place in the Universe that boasts
of
a) Annihilation
b) Affliction
c) Obliteration
or
d)
All
of the above.
Therefore,
any and every weapon that boasts of absolute persecution would naturally be
amassed here. And possessing ‘weapons of mass destruction’ would also be a
major flaw in attempting to thwart an invasion.
These two convenient excuses could well be the undoing of
a habitat that has been functioning so well, ever since the inception of
man. With erroneous claims to defend
the peaceful world, I will not be surprised if the only viable guarantor of the
Universe comes marching into option (c) with a smooth and shielding speech. ‘Be
not aftraid, you weaklings that scorch here’, the duplicitous voices would
speak out graciously, ‘We’re gonna liberate you from the bondage of the
harrying and the hounding. We’re gonna unshackle the fetters that bind you to
this appalling land of horrors. And we’re not gonna rest until Hell freezes
over’.
It this be the case, I’m afraid I would have to reconsider
my choice. All over again!
Nargis Natarajan.