The Rules of Bureaucracy
1. Preserve thyself.
2. It
is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.
3. A penny saved is an
oversight.
4. Information deteriorates upward.
5. The first 90% of the
task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.
6. Experience
is what you get just after you need it.
7. For any given large, complex,
hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple,
easy, cheap wrong answer.
8. Anything that can be changed will be, until
time runs out.
9. To err is human; to shrug is civil service.
10.
There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do
it over.
The Discovery of a New
Element
Investigators at a major
research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This
startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad). This new element has no protons
or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It
does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111
assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312
particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no
electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to
complete when it would normally take less
than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life
of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. In fact, an Administratium sample’s mass
will actually increase over time, since with each
reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new
isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as the “Critical Morass”. You will know
it when you see it.